A touch of sunday school...

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. - James 1:19

When I read Ashley's post this verse just jumped to me. Over the last week we have all been kind of slow in deciding what movie/scene to use for our group assignment. So during the discussion time, almost immediately I thought of two possibilities. The first was a 2007 movie called “Bucket List” starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. It is about two terminally ill men escaping from a cancer ward and heading off on a road trip with a wish list of things to do before they die. It’s a beautiful movie with a lesson of life and a lesson of death. The second movie I thought of was a not so popular 2008 movie called “Fireproof” starring Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea.

Now, Fireproof is not like your regular blockbuster. In fact, it wasn’t even shown in Malaysia. It’s about a fireman who tries to save his marriage from divorce when his father challenged him with a 40 day “love dare”. Each day, his father gave him one simple task to do that was supposed to help him slowly reconcile with his wife. Interestingly, this very bible verse was given to him on the first day. It says to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. For the rest of the day, he was to avoid saying anything negative to his wife at all. Since Ashley has touched on the first part, let me elaborate on the other parts.

Slow to speak – one of the principles of interpersonal communication is that communication is irreversible. What’s done is done. In the movie, the protagonist’s friend tells him that “A woman is like a rose - Treat her right and she’ll bloom. Treat her badly, and she’ll wilt.” Being slow to speak means thinking about what you are saying and evaluating the consequences. Sometimes, especially when you are angry, this can be very hard. In these situations, it is better to say nothing at all than saying something that you will regret later. Sure, you can’t hide the fact that you are angry but you can prevent further damage if you just hold your tongue. I managed to be in such a situation once; I had a friend that was being very very stubborn and utterly refused to lend a hand when I needed the help. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue but I had always stood up for this friend whenever he was in the same need. I had even argued with my father over helping him a few times. Naturally I could demand his help, I could do a lot of things, but I didn’t. Such an action would have destroyed the kind of friendship we had. It would never be the same again.

Slow to get angry – One way to avoid fights and miscommunication is not to get angry in the first place. When you are angry, anger clouds your judgement and your ego and need to be justified takes over. The situation becomes ugly really fast like what happened to me. My friend was already angry and accusing me of using him among other things. He was angry, and I was beginning to get angry. I cannot begin to think what might have happened had I not rationalized my actions. Instead of being angry, I stopped and thought – Maybe there is some truth in what he is saying. Once that happened, I started to listen, and once I listened, I gained an understanding of how my friend felt about the situation.

So in conclusion, the three parts of this verse actually work together. When you hold your temper, you think before you speak, and while you are thinking you actually listen to what’s being said. If the pen is mightier than the sword, then I suppose the tongue is mightier still. A good communicator is someone who knows when to speak, and what to speak.

Till I have another Divine inspiration,
Samuel Goh.